As a psychotherapist and a man, I've observed a sense of freedom men often have with their bodies. Walking alone at night or facing less pressure around appearance are privileges I haven't always considered. Social media creates a vicious comparative culture, bombarding us with unrealistic expectations and highlighting physical flaws. This can make anyone feel insecure and question their body autonomy, leading to anxiety and depression. It's crucial to be mindful of what we consume online and cultivate a kind of body neutrality – appreciating our unique bodies for what they are, not just how they look.
Thanks for reading and sharing your perspective! I forgot to make it clear that there are differences in the body image pressures men and women face. I just went for a walk in jogger pants and an old Grateful Dead shirt, with my hair in shambles and didn't think about it.
These people are, I hate to say, extremely gullible and manipulated. This entire masculinist internet culture is the product of grifters, who these men, because of some deep insecurity and inability go think for themselves, have been sucked into.
It's a subculture where a man presents himself as prototypically hegemonic and then manipulates the fragile masculinity of a particular type of weak- minded and self-doubting man to adopt the behaviors he sets.
What's especially depressing about it, besides the unhappiness it creates in ALL these men is that they are drawn in by a desire for validation, connection, approval--even love. But it's so deeply cynical and manipulative and empty that the very thing the person craves becomes frightening or less valuable to them, because these things require some openness and self-acceptance and the norms they are taught actually teach them to fear these moments, and suspect others.,
Sometimes I guess they have the distraction of body building, materialism, and so on but they've really all learned to strip out their worth as an individual and see themselves and others as a commodity. Such a life cannot be meaningful.
Not to mention their TOTAL subservience to the hegemonic man who lives in their head, possibly from a youtube channel or school or somewhere.
They aren't living an authentic life, based on their own desires. They're being told by someone else what to do, what to want, how to be.
What you said is profoundly threatening to them, because all their vast efforts are centered around fear of what they want, their own standard humanness, any honesty or vulnerabilty--and you don't have this affliction. You ARE authentic. You are doing the thing they've been manipulated to fear--you are being real.
It's not about bodies so much as it is about minds. What you have is antifragile. Yes, they can hurt you but they can't destroy you. You can keep seeking human connection. You don't suspect every interaction is a dominance struggle, you aren't going to flip out at your romantic partner for having their own opinion. It's just a deeper form of security, even if you don't feel particularly confident--you are confident enough to be authentic, which is very hard for people and why they get weird like this.
You have your own beliefs. You are brave enough to state them.
Note their EXTREME fear of the feminine, in themselves especially. This can become pathological. They sometimes even get painful surgeries because of the pathology this fear causes. Go look at Leonardo DiCaprios face. If THEY had his face they would be anxious and mutilate it because his face was very soft, his chin is not prominent
Almost no film stars have the face they think is adequately unfeminine. Virtually all handsome yourhs have the characteristics--because the point of this subculture is to make you hate yourself.
It's called looksmaxxing. It's really awful. Pleaase never do it.
This is all very sad. I remember when it started on reddit!
I know it's hard to hear this shit from them but trust me that as a young man, you have dodged a bullet!
Two things. 1: you’re worthy. 2: Part of our modern society is the willingness and ability to finally find the words for the human experience. Whatever else may be and ought to be said about ideal masculine traits, it should also be added that good men raise up men. Regardless of his aesthetic, real masculinity radiates from those that inspire prudence, compassion, discernment.
Body shaming is the worst! Women get it the most but I do think we have more freedom and ability to support each other with this issue, whereas men might not be able to talk to each other about it.
At 81, I feel better about my body than I ever have before. That’s mostly due to my learning to nurture myself, body, soul, mind, spirit, etc. I have health issues that I need to manage & self-care is another name for doing that. This new attitude is a complete pivot from the way I used to feel about my body. Thank God.
I hate my body, usually. HATE IT. I’ve starved it and abused it for two decades. I’m just now trying to accept it, or at least not hate and hurt it, NEVER MIND love it. It’s ongoing. I’ve damaged it in some permanent ways, and I am trying to come to terms with that.
I am sorry you put something beautiful and true out there and people just word vomited all over it. I read some of those comments and then had to stop. Even though I don’t know you, I got angry on your behalf. And I felt sick that there are people out there that would believe and say those things.
I’m afraid I too often find myself reading comments that I know will anger and frustrate me. I think because I’m just angry at everyone? And I think reading comments like that makes me feel righteous in my anger, so it’s selfish and a way of allowing myself to feel better than other people and feel justified in my anger. Not a great attitude and practice to be sure.
So then I have to walk away and do something better with my time.
That “casual cruelty” that Jamison mentions is endemic and deeply unnerving. The longer I live the more and more unsettled I become that we have created and continue to create a world/culture/society in which empathy for one’s fellow creatures (human and non) and for oneself is almost invariably a sure fire way to get oneself hurt, or to make oneself a target for those who feel rewarded when inflicting pain. Why would anyone choose to create such a world, or to live in one? And yet, here we are, and it’s alarming that the way out is so unclear. Thanks for this piece of writing. F*** those malicious commenters, even tho they are no doubt wounded in some way as well.
The truth is that EVERYTHING that we are and that is good is only possible in an environment of care, cooperation, empathy, peace. These include
All arts, including music, all science, all intellectual activities, families, child-rearing, agriculture, engineering--all buildings, technology, etc.
All humans must be nurtured. All skills must be shared and taught with patience.
Domination, coercion, and violence is primarily needed to cope with other violent dominators. If all such people were gone, those behaviors would not be necessary. They don't produce anything for our survival. The protection is only to protect us from that thing itself.
But some people insist on the opposite. It's not conducive to civilization. They are not offering us anything useful when they do this. It's ultimately a type of bluff, to throw people off and gain status.
As a psychotherapist and a man, I've observed a sense of freedom men often have with their bodies. Walking alone at night or facing less pressure around appearance are privileges I haven't always considered. Social media creates a vicious comparative culture, bombarding us with unrealistic expectations and highlighting physical flaws. This can make anyone feel insecure and question their body autonomy, leading to anxiety and depression. It's crucial to be mindful of what we consume online and cultivate a kind of body neutrality – appreciating our unique bodies for what they are, not just how they look.
Thanks for reading and sharing your perspective! I forgot to make it clear that there are differences in the body image pressures men and women face. I just went for a walk in jogger pants and an old Grateful Dead shirt, with my hair in shambles and didn't think about it.
It's also capitalism!!!
These people are, I hate to say, extremely gullible and manipulated. This entire masculinist internet culture is the product of grifters, who these men, because of some deep insecurity and inability go think for themselves, have been sucked into.
It's a subculture where a man presents himself as prototypically hegemonic and then manipulates the fragile masculinity of a particular type of weak- minded and self-doubting man to adopt the behaviors he sets.
What's especially depressing about it, besides the unhappiness it creates in ALL these men is that they are drawn in by a desire for validation, connection, approval--even love. But it's so deeply cynical and manipulative and empty that the very thing the person craves becomes frightening or less valuable to them, because these things require some openness and self-acceptance and the norms they are taught actually teach them to fear these moments, and suspect others.,
Sometimes I guess they have the distraction of body building, materialism, and so on but they've really all learned to strip out their worth as an individual and see themselves and others as a commodity. Such a life cannot be meaningful.
Not to mention their TOTAL subservience to the hegemonic man who lives in their head, possibly from a youtube channel or school or somewhere.
They aren't living an authentic life, based on their own desires. They're being told by someone else what to do, what to want, how to be.
What you said is profoundly threatening to them, because all their vast efforts are centered around fear of what they want, their own standard humanness, any honesty or vulnerabilty--and you don't have this affliction. You ARE authentic. You are doing the thing they've been manipulated to fear--you are being real.
It's not about bodies so much as it is about minds. What you have is antifragile. Yes, they can hurt you but they can't destroy you. You can keep seeking human connection. You don't suspect every interaction is a dominance struggle, you aren't going to flip out at your romantic partner for having their own opinion. It's just a deeper form of security, even if you don't feel particularly confident--you are confident enough to be authentic, which is very hard for people and why they get weird like this.
You have your own beliefs. You are brave enough to state them.
Note their EXTREME fear of the feminine, in themselves especially. This can become pathological. They sometimes even get painful surgeries because of the pathology this fear causes. Go look at Leonardo DiCaprios face. If THEY had his face they would be anxious and mutilate it because his face was very soft, his chin is not prominent
Almost no film stars have the face they think is adequately unfeminine. Virtually all handsome yourhs have the characteristics--because the point of this subculture is to make you hate yourself.
It's called looksmaxxing. It's really awful. Pleaase never do it.
This is all very sad. I remember when it started on reddit!
I know it's hard to hear this shit from them but trust me that as a young man, you have dodged a bullet!
Thank you! This felt relieving to read.
Exceptional writing. Well stated.
Two things. 1: you’re worthy. 2: Part of our modern society is the willingness and ability to finally find the words for the human experience. Whatever else may be and ought to be said about ideal masculine traits, it should also be added that good men raise up men. Regardless of his aesthetic, real masculinity radiates from those that inspire prudence, compassion, discernment.
Keep at it, you’re doing it right.
Anti-Diet by Christy Harrison is an awesome feminist book that changed my world view on dieting and body image forever, can highly recommend!
I also thought this Medium post was interesting. It traces the roots of body image stuff to the patriarchy: https://emmalindsay.medium.com/why-does-dating-men-make-me-feel-like-shit-12c25e539021 Sounds like anyone who dates women feel all g about their bodies but anyone who dates men tend not to…
I've always valued what people are like as human beings more than what they look like.
I like people who are thoughtful, kind, considerate and honest and I don't care what shape, colour or form they come in.
Love that!
Body shaming is the worst! Women get it the most but I do think we have more freedom and ability to support each other with this issue, whereas men might not be able to talk to each other about it.
So true!
At 81, I feel better about my body than I ever have before. That’s mostly due to my learning to nurture myself, body, soul, mind, spirit, etc. I have health issues that I need to manage & self-care is another name for doing that. This new attitude is a complete pivot from the way I used to feel about my body. Thank God.
I hate my body, usually. HATE IT. I’ve starved it and abused it for two decades. I’m just now trying to accept it, or at least not hate and hurt it, NEVER MIND love it. It’s ongoing. I’ve damaged it in some permanent ways, and I am trying to come to terms with that.
I am sorry you put something beautiful and true out there and people just word vomited all over it. I read some of those comments and then had to stop. Even though I don’t know you, I got angry on your behalf. And I felt sick that there are people out there that would believe and say those things.
Thank you for feeling angry for me! And I’m glad you stopped reading them. Can you help me stop!?
I’m afraid I too often find myself reading comments that I know will anger and frustrate me. I think because I’m just angry at everyone? And I think reading comments like that makes me feel righteous in my anger, so it’s selfish and a way of allowing myself to feel better than other people and feel justified in my anger. Not a great attitude and practice to be sure.
So then I have to walk away and do something better with my time.
That “casual cruelty” that Jamison mentions is endemic and deeply unnerving. The longer I live the more and more unsettled I become that we have created and continue to create a world/culture/society in which empathy for one’s fellow creatures (human and non) and for oneself is almost invariably a sure fire way to get oneself hurt, or to make oneself a target for those who feel rewarded when inflicting pain. Why would anyone choose to create such a world, or to live in one? And yet, here we are, and it’s alarming that the way out is so unclear. Thanks for this piece of writing. F*** those malicious commenters, even tho they are no doubt wounded in some way as well.
The truth is that EVERYTHING that we are and that is good is only possible in an environment of care, cooperation, empathy, peace. These include
All arts, including music, all science, all intellectual activities, families, child-rearing, agriculture, engineering--all buildings, technology, etc.
All humans must be nurtured. All skills must be shared and taught with patience.
Domination, coercion, and violence is primarily needed to cope with other violent dominators. If all such people were gone, those behaviors would not be necessary. They don't produce anything for our survival. The protection is only to protect us from that thing itself.
But some people insist on the opposite. It's not conducive to civilization. They are not offering us anything useful when they do this. It's ultimately a type of bluff, to throw people off and gain status.