Working as a team was a big mind shift for me. I was once the guy (probably still am in ways) that felt like it was me vs. her when it came to chores, and I was always losing. She sent me an article about invisible labour and the mental load and I did not take it well. I was upset and pulled the ole, "What am I not good enough?" before storming out of the house to do a performative grocery shop. I won't go through the details of what helped me make the shift but once I did things got a lot better. So much so I'm the one who has stepped back from his career to be the homemaker (turns out I'm pretty decent at it when I'm not whining). But seeing my wife and I as a team fighting against a common enemy (the corporate world, patriarchy) has really helped both of us. Great post 🙏
Thanks, Mike! I appreciate you sharing about your experience of it feeling like it was you vs. her. I'm going to think about that more. I think that shows up in inside of me at times as well. Appreciate you sharing!
"But if you and your partner can see yourselves as on the same team—a team getting badly beat right now by super rich people who want you to be worn out and exhausted every day because that means they’re squeezing as much labor out of you as they possibly can—it might feel just a little bit easier to find solutions that work good enough for both of you.
I say “good enough” because that’s all we can expect until we can get together and change how this society is organized. Until we can build enough people and worker power to redistribute the wealth and free time being hoarded by those billionaires. Until we can win shorter work weeks with higher pay for all workers, publicly funded childcare, more parental leave, and other forms of support for families."
You and I are definitely on the same page that capitalism and patriarchy (or as I reckon it, misogyny… potato potahto) are the root causes of the problem. I’d throw in the Protestant work ethic to boot.
Working as a team was a big mind shift for me. I was once the guy (probably still am in ways) that felt like it was me vs. her when it came to chores, and I was always losing. She sent me an article about invisible labour and the mental load and I did not take it well. I was upset and pulled the ole, "What am I not good enough?" before storming out of the house to do a performative grocery shop. I won't go through the details of what helped me make the shift but once I did things got a lot better. So much so I'm the one who has stepped back from his career to be the homemaker (turns out I'm pretty decent at it when I'm not whining). But seeing my wife and I as a team fighting against a common enemy (the corporate world, patriarchy) has really helped both of us. Great post 🙏
Thanks, Mike! I appreciate you sharing about your experience of it feeling like it was you vs. her. I'm going to think about that more. I think that shows up in inside of me at times as well. Appreciate you sharing!
Yes!
"But if you and your partner can see yourselves as on the same team—a team getting badly beat right now by super rich people who want you to be worn out and exhausted every day because that means they’re squeezing as much labor out of you as they possibly can—it might feel just a little bit easier to find solutions that work good enough for both of you.
I say “good enough” because that’s all we can expect until we can get together and change how this society is organized. Until we can build enough people and worker power to redistribute the wealth and free time being hoarded by those billionaires. Until we can win shorter work weeks with higher pay for all workers, publicly funded childcare, more parental leave, and other forms of support for families."
You and I are definitely on the same page that capitalism and patriarchy (or as I reckon it, misogyny… potato potahto) are the root causes of the problem. I’d throw in the Protestant work ethic to boot.
Yes, that too!!