Fellow recovering nice guy here and couldn't agree more with the freedom piece. Still catch myself falling back into old patterns, but I'm also able to stand firm in my masculine more often and turns out that is pretty positive for my relationship with my wife.
Enjoyed reading this. It felt very open and honest and from the heart. And vulnerable. Thank you for sharing.
And this also applies to anyone - gender neutral. I have had similar feelings of trying to be the best version for someone else only to find that it doesn’t work, and the need to do it all myself without asking for help.
It’s amazing what change openness with the right person in the right relationship can bring.
Thanks, Veronika! Yeah, I'm really curious about how fawning and people-pleasing shows up across gender differences. So many people have been socialized to do it!
True. From my limited personal experience as a fawning people-pleaser, I got catapulted out of it through the harsh realities of life (relationships): coercive control, domestic violence, death threats.... you get the picture.
I'm not suggesting this is how it is for women in general (I hope not!) but that in my case it 'did the job' of waking me up out of my fawning people-pleasing slumber and into growing up into 'being myself in the presence of others' (especially in an intimate relationship)
Fellow recovering nice guy here and couldn't agree more with the freedom piece. Still catch myself falling back into old patterns, but I'm also able to stand firm in my masculine more often and turns out that is pretty positive for my relationship with my wife.
Enjoyed reading this. It felt very open and honest and from the heart. And vulnerable. Thank you for sharing.
And this also applies to anyone - gender neutral. I have had similar feelings of trying to be the best version for someone else only to find that it doesn’t work, and the need to do it all myself without asking for help.
It’s amazing what change openness with the right person in the right relationship can bring.
Thanks, Tory! I’m glad it resonated with you. I definitely don’t think these dynamics are unique to men only.
Such an important topic!
A conversation not just for men... Thank you Jeremy 💙 🙏
Thanks, Veronika! Yeah, I'm really curious about how fawning and people-pleasing shows up across gender differences. So many people have been socialized to do it!
True. From my limited personal experience as a fawning people-pleaser, I got catapulted out of it through the harsh realities of life (relationships): coercive control, domestic violence, death threats.... you get the picture.
I'm not suggesting this is how it is for women in general (I hope not!) but that in my case it 'did the job' of waking me up out of my fawning people-pleasing slumber and into growing up into 'being myself in the presence of others' (especially in an intimate relationship)