Thanks Jeremy, there is so much gold in this article. Many of us never learned to "repair" in healthy ways, and it's saddening to learn that it has gotten in the way of experiencing true intimacy. However, I also appreciate your simple, yet powerful, guide to "repair" more skillfully. This is a must read for anyone who wants to experience true connection in relationships.
I enjoyed reading this…right up until the last statement about sex. Maybe it was humour? Unfortunately, the statement left me with a bad taste and negates your whole point. Especially since your example of relationship repair was with a colleague, not a sexual partner. I feel frustrated and annoyed that a man writing an article about “making men emotional” ends an article with a quip about sex - it seems to prove the point that sex is all men think about?
I appreciate you reading and taking the time to share your perspective. I hadn’t thought of that as a possible reaction. Maybe it’s a blind spot of mine, but I wrote that at the end to refer back to the first sentence of the post. A lot of men (to your point) have been socialized to center sex (and a particular kind of sex, but that’s beside the point) as the most important form of intimacy. I was trying to show that even with sex, in my experience, sharing vulnerably and authentically with your partner about your needs and desires leads to better, more intimate experiences. I hope that helps explain why, but either way thanks for sharing your thoughts!
I have one that also walks away from conflict, but long term it becomes an acid that eats away at you.
I've never been one to have a temper, but like a locked geological fault everything of the surface looks calm. Yet beneath my always cheerful outlook it hides the tension in the coiled spring, which when really enough is enough snaps.
Now don't get wrong, I hate violence just as much. I can hear the Alpha's shouting. "For fuck sake man up!" Well after years of bullying at school it happened. My tormentor pushed me once to often, I lost it. Told him exactly what I thought of him, and his group of mates. The rest watched as we waited for the teacher to unlock the classroom door, expecting a fight. One that I was forced to be the loser, I have never been in any fight before. But I was so furious I walked into his personal space, his shit eating grin daring me to take the first punch, whimp.
He saw my hand go back, but at the last second wondered why my right hand was not in a fist.
I bitch slapped him!
Saying. "You know what? Your not worth punching."
Shocked silence, then the girls started laughing. Then as he stood their, my handprint glowing bright red. He mates started laughing too.
Oh, I got the threat that he would get me after school. But somehow is heart was not in it.
Thanks Jeremy, there is so much gold in this article. Many of us never learned to "repair" in healthy ways, and it's saddening to learn that it has gotten in the way of experiencing true intimacy. However, I also appreciate your simple, yet powerful, guide to "repair" more skillfully. This is a must read for anyone who wants to experience true connection in relationships.
Thanks! Always appreciate your support.
I enjoyed reading this…right up until the last statement about sex. Maybe it was humour? Unfortunately, the statement left me with a bad taste and negates your whole point. Especially since your example of relationship repair was with a colleague, not a sexual partner. I feel frustrated and annoyed that a man writing an article about “making men emotional” ends an article with a quip about sex - it seems to prove the point that sex is all men think about?
I appreciate you reading and taking the time to share your perspective. I hadn’t thought of that as a possible reaction. Maybe it’s a blind spot of mine, but I wrote that at the end to refer back to the first sentence of the post. A lot of men (to your point) have been socialized to center sex (and a particular kind of sex, but that’s beside the point) as the most important form of intimacy. I was trying to show that even with sex, in my experience, sharing vulnerably and authentically with your partner about your needs and desires leads to better, more intimate experiences. I hope that helps explain why, but either way thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Excellent article.
I have one that also walks away from conflict, but long term it becomes an acid that eats away at you.
I've never been one to have a temper, but like a locked geological fault everything of the surface looks calm. Yet beneath my always cheerful outlook it hides the tension in the coiled spring, which when really enough is enough snaps.
Now don't get wrong, I hate violence just as much. I can hear the Alpha's shouting. "For fuck sake man up!" Well after years of bullying at school it happened. My tormentor pushed me once to often, I lost it. Told him exactly what I thought of him, and his group of mates. The rest watched as we waited for the teacher to unlock the classroom door, expecting a fight. One that I was forced to be the loser, I have never been in any fight before. But I was so furious I walked into his personal space, his shit eating grin daring me to take the first punch, whimp.
He saw my hand go back, but at the last second wondered why my right hand was not in a fist.
I bitch slapped him!
Saying. "You know what? Your not worth punching."
Shocked silence, then the girls started laughing. Then as he stood their, my handprint glowing bright red. He mates started laughing too.
Oh, I got the threat that he would get me after school. But somehow is heart was not in it.
“patriarchal capitalist society” oh god just keep religion out of Substack please
How is that religion?