Great piece, Jeremy. I think a lot of men (and women!) still think this is just the way things are and always will be. But I think we all become happier, more balanced humans when we don't surpress, but express what we feel (in a healthy way ofcourse). Thanks for writing this!
This piece is so important. Men need friends. Esp Cis-het men. We need to be able to have a plethora of people that we regularly talk to, convene with, share with. I know for me, I've had to spend a *lot* of time and energy and intention to build friendships with men. It takes so much intention and work.
I see my partner spending a lot of time and intention on her friendships, and in the past, I was in awe of her ability to keep up with her friends. They did trips together, etc. And then at some point, I started strengthening existing friendships, and in doing so, my relationship with my partner improved because I no longer relied on her to do emotional work for me.
Things are much better now, but it still takes work to maintain - b/c not all the men that are my friends put in the work the way I do (or at least try to do).
Totally agree. That last point you made is so true. I'm regularly having to feel pain or at least disappointment when a guy friend of mine drops the ball in a relational way or doesn't reach out or waits until things are really bad before he does. Thanks for reading and sharing your experience. This journey can often feel alone!
Yes, its so true! For me, my closest friends are still women and gender queer folks-maybe because of what you talk about in your article that they have been socialized to have empathy and sympathy. Its more a recent development for me to intentionally build stronger relationships with the men in my life. Its hard but its been really great. A number of them have identified with my own substack (where I talk about masculinity through the lens of my personal experiences), which has been a great jumping off point to talk through issues we're both experiencing.
Great piece, Jeremy. I think a lot of men (and women!) still think this is just the way things are and always will be. But I think we all become happier, more balanced humans when we don't surpress, but express what we feel (in a healthy way ofcourse). Thanks for writing this!
Thank you, Robin! 🙏❤️🔥
This piece is so important. Men need friends. Esp Cis-het men. We need to be able to have a plethora of people that we regularly talk to, convene with, share with. I know for me, I've had to spend a *lot* of time and energy and intention to build friendships with men. It takes so much intention and work.
I see my partner spending a lot of time and intention on her friendships, and in the past, I was in awe of her ability to keep up with her friends. They did trips together, etc. And then at some point, I started strengthening existing friendships, and in doing so, my relationship with my partner improved because I no longer relied on her to do emotional work for me.
Things are much better now, but it still takes work to maintain - b/c not all the men that are my friends put in the work the way I do (or at least try to do).
Totally agree. That last point you made is so true. I'm regularly having to feel pain or at least disappointment when a guy friend of mine drops the ball in a relational way or doesn't reach out or waits until things are really bad before he does. Thanks for reading and sharing your experience. This journey can often feel alone!
Yes, its so true! For me, my closest friends are still women and gender queer folks-maybe because of what you talk about in your article that they have been socialized to have empathy and sympathy. Its more a recent development for me to intentionally build stronger relationships with the men in my life. Its hard but its been really great. A number of them have identified with my own substack (where I talk about masculinity through the lens of my personal experiences), which has been a great jumping off point to talk through issues we're both experiencing.