Why Trump, Jordan Peterson, and Andrew Tate are so popular—and so wrong
Many men are struggling right now, but not because of feminism, "wokeness," or immigrants.
I launched No Man Is an Island after hearing a statistic that blew my mind.
Yes, men die by suicide around three times more frequently than women. We are much less likely to graduate high school, enroll in college, and complete college after enrolling. More men ages 18 to 34 are now living with their parents than with romantic partners.
But here’s a really telling stat about how men are struggling right now: Nearly half of the progress made toward closing the gender pay gap over the past 40 years has been due to men making less money.
This stat helps explain two things.
Simple answers to a complex problem
The first is the rise of a few rich and powerful men—Donald Trump, Tucker Carlson, Jordan Peterson, Andrew Tate, and others.
These guys offer simple answers about what and who is responsible for men’s suffering: feminism (i.e., uncontrollable women), “wokeness,” socialism, trans people, poor people of color, immigrants. They say the path to feeling secure, happy, and powerful is to return to the rigid gender roles of the 1950s, doubling down on aggression, entitlement, and other so-called “traditional” masculine traits.
I get why these answers are appealing to many men. As the stat suggests, it appears that women are taking more and more of the economic pie. Even though women still make only 84 cents for every dollar that men make, they’ve made gains in the past four decades, even out-earning their male counterparts in some cities. Over the same period, the median income for men—after adjusting for inflation—has dropped nearly 12 percent.
Combine that with a growing number of voices on social media and in the news (often rightfully) criticizing men and so-called “toxic masculinity,” and no wonder these guys and their ideas are popular.
The real reason men are struggling
The second thing the stat about the gender pay gap explains is that Trump, Carlson, etc., are wrong about who to blame and what to do.
The reality is the pie is shrinking for everyone except for the rich and powerful—like Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk—who are richer than ever. The average worker regardless of gender has seen their pay flatten over the last four decades, even as productivity (how much stuff the economy produces for each hour we work) has boomed.
As the Economic Policy Institute concluded, “About 40 percent of the progress made in closing the wage gap [has been] due to men’s wages declining in an era of increasing inequality.”
Corporate executives, Wall Street banks, private equity investors, and corporate-funded politicians are the primary reason for men’s struggles. They’ve rigged the economy, weakened labor unions, and used the government to fatten their wallets at the expense of everyone else.
And it goes beyond money. Many men in my life—including therapy clients of mine—are not only falling behind economically but also feel lost emotionally, socially, spiritually.
Since 1990, the percentage of American men reporting having at least six close friends has been cut in half, down to just 27 percent. Around 15 percent say they have no close friends at all.
Meanwhile, everyone else seems to have a sense of community and shared struggle. Women have transformed society and their place in it through multiple waves of feminism. The LGBTQIA+ community—which includes many men—has fought for and won some freedoms to express their full humanity. These communities still face an uphill battle, but at least they have each other.
As journalist Liz Plank writes in For the Love of Men, “We updated what it means to be a woman, but we didn't update what it meant to be a man.”
Instead, Trump, Carlson, etc., offer more of the same old individualist self-help advice that got us here in the first place: personal responsibility, relentless hard work, dominating the competition, pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. Be a man, start a business, spend hours toiling away in the gym, they say—and one day, with enough power and money, you’ll be happy.
This advice works for some men, especially those at the top of the economy. But it leaves the rest of us craving more fulfilling relationships, closer friendships, and a sense of belonging to something larger than themselves.
No man is an island
When I think of the most grounded, content, truly confident people I’ve been around, they’ve been women, mostly those of color involved in political movements for social and economic justice. They know themselves and their trauma deeply and draw inspiration from their ancestors. Most importantly, they value being part of a vibrant, supportive community. They don’t seem to be on an island trying to figure things out all by themselves.
What does that look like for men? Why are we socialized to be the way we are? How does this socialization benefit the rich and powerful in our capitalist society? What should men be doing instead? How should we be raising boys? If you’re not a man, why should you care that many men are struggling?
No Man Is an Island documents my journey trying to answer these questions. Each week, I write about psychology, capitalism, the history of gender, “toxic masculinity,” dating/relationship tips, why healing from trauma is so crucial, and more.
Whether you’re a man trying to change and grow, a parent looking to raise a boy in a healthy way, or someone who wants to support men trying to be better, I’d love having you along for the ride.