We should encourage boys to be friends with girls

Some of my most rewarding and empowering friendships today are with women.

Awhile back, I shared how an experience at soccer practice when I was 12 helped turn me into a stressed out, lonely overworker.

That was my first answer in an interview with one of my favorite newsletters,

15thCenturyFeminist

. The rest of the interview is out, and I wanted to make sure you saw it.

Here’s my answer to the second question and a link to the rest!

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15thCenturyFeminist

: If you could go back and speak to your 12-year-old self (and he listened!), what guidance would you give him around becoming a man in a patriarchal society?

Mainly, I’d hang out and comfort him like I did with that younger version of me from soccer practice. But as advice, I’d tell him that he can and should be friends with girls.

Back then he was getting so many messages from other boys and the culture to only talk to girls if he was romantically interested in them. He navigated the world that way for many years after that. But I’d show him the distant future—in my late 20s and 30s—when I became really close with a number of women who inspired me and transformed my life.

Actually, last night I hosted a social event for therapists, and everyone else were women. I sat there surrounded by these brilliant, courageous women who’ve started their own businesses. I laughed. I teared up. I felt deeply connected. We were strangers, but their vulnerability and way of relating helped me open up. I didn’t feel the normal pressure I feel around men to act like I have everything figured out and show that I’m competent.

I know that girls go through hell too. I just saw the other day that over half of teen girls feel persistently sad or hopeless—double that of boys. But I would want my 12-year-old self to unlearn the idea that being friends with girls means your “girly” or gay. That robbed him of so many potential friends and connections for so many years.

Read the rest of my interview with 15th Century Feminist here!

👋 New to this newsletter? I’m Jeremy, a therapist busting the myth of “traditional masculinity” and helping men and couples have better relationships. If you subscribe, you’ll get a free post like this every week. For $5/month you’ll get my Friday Q&A posts with specific advice on how to improve your relationship, get better at dating, raise a boy in a healthy way, support the men in your life, and more. 👋

Now, a question for the comments below (or email me at jeremy@jeremymohler.blog): What would you tell your 12-year-old self?

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