I felt deep sadness for Wentz and disappointment with Herbstreit's sentiment
It was publicly reported that he played through injury since at least the Eagles game, and I could see it in the highlights. The Vikings area his sixth team in six seasons, and more than half of those years, he was a backup
It seems like all the pent up frustration came out against the Chargers, especially since this was his best chance in years to earn a starting job. Additionally, this is the third time he suffered a season-ending injury
As an Eagles fan, I've kept a loose eye on him. But even if he played for the Giants or Cowboys, I'd still feel sad for him. Like the hundreds of other NFL players, he put his body through Hell for our entertainment, and I don't fault him at all for letting his emotions come through
We demand that professional athletes *want* it more, to *will* themselves to victory. We castigate them when they seem like when 'they don't want it *badly* *enough*'
But in this case, Herbstreit shamed him for displaying his sadness in front of his team and the audience. And I think that's just a toxic attitude to have
I wish Carson Wentz all the best in his recovery. I wish Herbstreit had just left it at that
Not wanting to take anything away from men, it's not just them either - I deeply recognize your description of your relationship to your feelings in your late twenties as at least part of my emotional experience most of my life
As someone socialized in a female body, I'm not sure what the problem actually was, if I was too uncontrolled in my emotions, even for a female, or expressed them in the wrong way...
We could all be better at emotional intelligence in this society
Doesn’t feel like you’re taking anything away! Thanks for sharing your experience. I think we’re all bathed in messaging to avoid vulnerability from the day we’re born.
What's an acceptable way to show emotion, pain etc?
Instead we're expected to be stoic.
I once was with a woman who complained when I cried because I was supposed to not show emotion. At the same time she wanted me to not protect my heart.
Needless to say I came to realize that if I couldn't fully express myself with someone I trusted that wasn't the place to be, but so many men will subscribe to performance instead of presence.
Holding in my emotions poisoned me, and it took a group of men to help me finally learn to express them. Doing so has changed my life, and I now have male friends who I can call up and express the full range of what I’m feeling. Such an experience is unfortunately rare these days, but it has, without question, made me a stronger man.
By the same token, I retain some sympathy for the “control your emotions” line, and I’m not yet willing to discard it. This is likely because I have bipolar that is, at times, severe. Controlling that shit is 100% a matter of life or death, and it is certainly best to not have to feel suicidal despair, mania, devouring paranoia, or uncontrollable rage. Some feelings are best not felt at all. These are what the Stoics called “passions” — negative emotions as a life-destroying state of being. Being able to manage the passions — to stay in control — is hero-level shit.
You do point to the importance of context for expressing emotion, and I think that’s helpful. I’m a manager at work, and have been a leader in many other spheres. There have absolutely been times when I’ve had to put my feelings aside. I’ve cried my eyes out in my office or punched walls, and then had to pull myself together to get back on the floor because my team needed me.
I don’t see controlling emotions as suppression of emotions, though, so there might be some syntactical confusion here.
I felt deep sadness for Wentz and disappointment with Herbstreit's sentiment
It was publicly reported that he played through injury since at least the Eagles game, and I could see it in the highlights. The Vikings area his sixth team in six seasons, and more than half of those years, he was a backup
It seems like all the pent up frustration came out against the Chargers, especially since this was his best chance in years to earn a starting job. Additionally, this is the third time he suffered a season-ending injury
As an Eagles fan, I've kept a loose eye on him. But even if he played for the Giants or Cowboys, I'd still feel sad for him. Like the hundreds of other NFL players, he put his body through Hell for our entertainment, and I don't fault him at all for letting his emotions come through
We demand that professional athletes *want* it more, to *will* themselves to victory. We castigate them when they seem like when 'they don't want it *badly* *enough*'
But in this case, Herbstreit shamed him for displaying his sadness in front of his team and the audience. And I think that's just a toxic attitude to have
I wish Carson Wentz all the best in his recovery. I wish Herbstreit had just left it at that
Well said!
Not wanting to take anything away from men, it's not just them either - I deeply recognize your description of your relationship to your feelings in your late twenties as at least part of my emotional experience most of my life
As someone socialized in a female body, I'm not sure what the problem actually was, if I was too uncontrolled in my emotions, even for a female, or expressed them in the wrong way...
We could all be better at emotional intelligence in this society
Doesn’t feel like you’re taking anything away! Thanks for sharing your experience. I think we’re all bathed in messaging to avoid vulnerability from the day we’re born.
Men are placed into a double bind.
What's an acceptable way to show emotion, pain etc?
Instead we're expected to be stoic.
I once was with a woman who complained when I cried because I was supposed to not show emotion. At the same time she wanted me to not protect my heart.
Needless to say I came to realize that if I couldn't fully express myself with someone I trusted that wasn't the place to be, but so many men will subscribe to performance instead of presence.
So many thoughts.
Holding in my emotions poisoned me, and it took a group of men to help me finally learn to express them. Doing so has changed my life, and I now have male friends who I can call up and express the full range of what I’m feeling. Such an experience is unfortunately rare these days, but it has, without question, made me a stronger man.
By the same token, I retain some sympathy for the “control your emotions” line, and I’m not yet willing to discard it. This is likely because I have bipolar that is, at times, severe. Controlling that shit is 100% a matter of life or death, and it is certainly best to not have to feel suicidal despair, mania, devouring paranoia, or uncontrollable rage. Some feelings are best not felt at all. These are what the Stoics called “passions” — negative emotions as a life-destroying state of being. Being able to manage the passions — to stay in control — is hero-level shit.
You do point to the importance of context for expressing emotion, and I think that’s helpful. I’m a manager at work, and have been a leader in many other spheres. There have absolutely been times when I’ve had to put my feelings aside. I’ve cried my eyes out in my office or punched walls, and then had to pull myself together to get back on the floor because my team needed me.
I don’t see controlling emotions as suppression of emotions, though, so there might be some syntactical confusion here.